This article was originally published in The Daily Pulp on June 24, 2013.
For reasons unknown to rock critics and sports fans alike, The White Stripes’ song “Seven Nation Army” has found second life as the “We Will Rock You” of the year, sparking record sales of the band’s Elephant to reach double-platinum status in the U.S. a decade after its release.
No one is quite sure of the origin of the phenomenon—but while hipsters ponder whether or not to now listen to The White Stripes ironically, music industry analysts are pointing to the Super Bowl champion Baltimore Ravens.
“I’m not a huge fan of the song,” said the recently retired Ray Lewis. “I wish the fans would sing a song that I know would truly inspire the team. I mean really motivate them.” Lewis then started flapping his arms and broke into the chorus of the 1996 R. Kelly hit “I Believe I Can Fly.”
When asked why sports teams have adopted a song about a nicotine-addicted borderline schizophrenic to be their rally cry, Miami Heat fan Jozy Cocaine said, “We just like chanting when we’re hammered, bro.”
Cocaine’s friends—three college buddies from Florida State University who played on his flag football team—all strongly agreed.
The “Seven Nation Army” chant has also found a home in the NHL, most recently heard at a home Stanley Cup game for the hopeful Chicago Blackhawks. Patrick Sharp, Blackhawks assistant captain and Ontario native, is in fact a fan of The White Stripes.
“I like ‘em, eh?” Sharp said, nostalgically. “Fond memories of that song from growing up, ya know? On the ice and the like.”
According to record sales, Canadians actually took to The White Stripes more readily than their American counterparts. Upon release in 2003, Elephant oddly went double platinum in Canada—a country where the idea of a seven-nation army is a few horses and a flare gun.
The newfound popularity of the song has some whispering that the White Stripes may reunite to tour the country. Certainly there are many possibilities—from playing the stadiums where “Seven Nation Army” has become iconic to performing halftime shows at major sporting events.
When asked if The White Stripes’ tune will stand the test of time as a sports arena anthem, a confused LeBron James commented, “Who are The White Stripes?”
When asked for comment about the resurgence of his song, which seems to now primarily serve drunken sports fans, a perplexed Jack White answered with, “What are sports?”
Cover photo archived from original web page: http://the-daily-pulp.com/seven-nation-army-chant-rekindles-the-white-stripes-career/.